Baby developmental delays in twins are normal… right? My first born was and still is my over-achiever baby. She rolled earlier than expected, crawled on schedule, and picked up talking and reading so early I smugly indulged in many a proud moment as my toddler read out the title of a pamphlet in the doctor’s waiting room. But this time around, it’s a little different…
My boys have the unfortunate combination of being huge for their age (they’re wearing 18mth clothes at 9 months) but are behind in development. Yes, I said it… they are ‘a little behind‘. When I say this in general conversation people tend to look at me as if I’ve given up on my own children. It’s just not the done thing to say it out loud, despite many moms worrying about it in silence.
The Twins oversized proportion means everyone thinks they can ‘do‘ more than they actually can. At the gym a month or so ago – I’ll be honest, it’s been a while seen I visited the gym – I checked in my boys to the convenient childcare facility. I handed over one chunky monkey to a confident young girl as I retrieved the other from the stroller. She promptly plonked him down on the floor beside her while she came back for his brother.
It was one of those slo-mo mom moments when you can see what is happening but are unable to move your limbs fast enough… and I have the reactive response of a sloth, so I watched him slump from his sit and topple to the side, bumping his head on the wall. Lots of crying and cuddles required, and I left feeling grumpy that my desire for a firmer butt had resulted in injury to my not-so-little boy. “I thought he could sit.” She said. And who can blame her, he has noticeable baby developmental delays and the skills of a baby three months younger.
I don’t mind waiting… their pediatrician isn’t particularly concerned at this point so I shouldn’t be either. But still the questions…
“Are they nearly walking?”
No, they’re not actually, and now I feel like an inadequate mother, for no sensible reason what so ever.
Other Moms agree it’s family that are the worst culprits. Granny wants bragging rights when she visits the country club “Oh and he is clearly a talented musician because he can already play Incy Wincy Spider on the xylophone you know.”
My boys also suffer from having an over-achieving cousin three months younger, meaning there is the constant comparison… even though when they FaceTime each-other they don’t seem to mind at all, dribbly grins all round.
I used to babble justifications at people: “They were 4wks premature,” “Twins are often behind schedule,” “It’s the weight of their giant heads…” but to be honest it feels better just to say “They’re behind but they’ll get there“, whether it’s to the person in front of you or repeating back to yourself in your manic mommy brain.
So if you’re baby is not breakdancing yet and you’re worried about baby developmental delays, I’m just here to say you’re not alone in the wait. And remember that everyone’s quick to brag but there are probably just as many moms silently panicking that Mr Jelly-Legs will never walk. The milestone guidelines are broad and I find the ‘speak to your pediatrician if…‘ sections on this link reassuring:
www.thebump.com/a/baby-milestone-chart
UPDATE: The Twins eventually walked at 18months and caught up with most their physical milestones. They do, however, continue to struggle with speech and are in therapy through the Early Intervention Program. If you’d like to find out more, read more of our story –> here.
And because it’s totally cute, here’s a baby actually trying to breakdance:
I know the feeling. My son was fairly average for the physical milestones, but he’s a little slower in the verbal department, and can only say a few words (he’s two). I keep telling myself that all 18 year olds can talk, so there’s no rush! #bigpinklink
I can totally sympathise, having a child who is developmentally delayed – it can be hard. But they will get there and all children are different. They may be ‘behind’ now but when they catch up (although you will be happy!) you’ll long for times you wasn’t chasing two hyper toddlers around lol #bigpinklink
Like you’ve said, it’s really hard to put it out of your mind, especially when the well meaning ‘is he…?’ questions start coming in, and you feel you have to make excuses. Both of my children did the very early things at exactly the same time-both smiled at 5 weeks, both rolled over at 4 months, got their first tooth at 5 months-it was uncanny! But the eldest didn’t walk until he was 17 months, and most of his little friends had been walking from 11-12 months. I agonised over it, but he just didn’t want to! But his language skills have always been really good. The smallest one walked at 11 months, but his language skills are definitely behind. I worry about it, but they all WILL be fine!!
#bigpinklink
I love this post!! My baby is 7 months and not sitting yet (or showing any signs of it any time soon!) while babies born weeks after him are crawling and pulling themselves up on sofas etc…I don’t think mine even realises he has arms yet let alone knows how to use them to hoist his chunky butt up!! But he’s my 3rd baby…so I care so much less…he’s on his own schedule and he won’t be hurried. Go him, I say! Nobody likes a show off anyway, even if its a baby 😉 #AnythingGoes xx
My son is 10 and still not walking yet. It was hard when he was smaller though. I remember taking him to baby massage when he was 19 months old and another mum asking in an incredulous voice “Is he not sitting yet?” Surely at the size he was it was obvious that there was more going on? #AnythingGoes
Wow… Some people eh?! People should think before they open their mouths. Thanks for dropping in 🙂
I sometimes think those text book milestones cause more trouble than enough. All babies do things in their own time
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
Thanks Debbie, text books and Google are indeed the worst!
I also have twin boys. I m very worried about the younger one. They are going to be 7 months but he still does not roll over. Can anyone suggest what can I do as a mother?
My boys were late to roll over too, but I can’t quite remember when they managed it. At home you can roll him over yourself, making it a game, so he gets used to the movement. But if you’re worried (and I know how stressful it can be!) talk to your paediatrician because he/she can tell you how late he’s running and suggest therapy if it’s needed. We’ve caught up with physical milestones now but my boys are behind on their talking so our paediatrician has suggested speech therapy. Good luck 🙂