When multi-million dollar corporations start sending me free stuff to review my boys can have some boy toys. But for now the poor things will have to do with big sisters hand-me-downs. Yes, I’m officially going to risk turning my boys into transsexual perverts by allowing them to play with girl toys. In the name of science and mom blogging I will allow identical twins to review and pick their favourite girl toy, which I can only presume will be the most blue, macho looking toy because that’s what boys like, apparently. But don’t worry, as a precaution against instant limp-wristedness they are wearing their football themed outfits from the boy section of Target…
First up: My Little Pony Equestria Girls v Barbie
Stage 1: Overview. George ponders whether he wants to play with Equestria Girl… “well she is blue, so I suppose its OK. But is it wrong that I kind of like her shoes?” Arthur, well he’s in total shock… “This is definitely a girl toy Mom, its wearing a pink glitter skirt, are you sure it’s safe?”
Stage 2: The shake test. Pretty standard testing for any new toy – shake it to see what moves and wobbles, and check if it makes any cool noises.
Stage 3: Close inspection. Poke the eyes, scrunch the clothes and stroke the hair in as manly a way as possible. Can I pull anything off? is it edible? So far so good.
Stage 4: The boy test. George proves he’s-the-man by getting Equestria Girl to do the splits and looking up her skirt. Arthur looks on in horror, he didn’t know girl stuff could do that! He needs Equestria Girl immediately to redeem his sense of masculinity – George, sorry buddy.
Winner: Equestria Girl… probably because she’s blue and a bit slutty.
Next: American Girl Doll v Corolle Doll
“Mom… er… you gave me the pink one again. And George’s is bigger, and us boys know size matters… this is SO unfair. I think I need to wash my hands, this girl stuff is starting to rub off.”
I could see where this was headed so I thought I’d intervene and give Arthur one of American Girl’s slippers, afterall, even boys wear slippers. It turns out slippers taste pretty good so George wanted a piece of slipper action too. I tried swapping the dolls over – you know, to make it a fair test, but by then it was all about the edibles.
Winner: American Girl Slippers… because even men where slippers.
Last but not least: Elsa from Frozen v Calico Critters
George is stumped “Mom, this one is definitely a girl’s toy and Arthur looks like he has something dressed in a men’s blazer.” Arthur is very pleased indeed for he has scored a male Calico Critter, it’s so macho it’s practically a Ninja Turtle.
Shake test… check. George looking up Elsa’s skirt… standard. Then Arthur decides he’s escaping with Mr Critter while he can. George is definitely going to want to steal it afterall.
Winner: Calico Critter… because its wearing a grandpa blazer.
But hang on, what’s happening here? George couldn’t care less he’s stuck with Elsa and her disappointingly long skirt…
Turns out George is man enough to play with the snow princess… screw you Grandpa Ninja Critter.
I do have a point to make here.
I don’t stop my daughter playing with Barbie and Elsa, she loves all things girly, pink and purple – especially if they have glitter and unicorns that fart rainbows – and that’s OK. She also loves Paw Patrol, Skylanders and weird Manga cartoons on Netflix. She was disappointed when Party City put Paw Patrol in the boys isle. She was disappointed when Ronald McDonald put skylanders in the boy happy meal. I’ve talked to her about it many times and she’s coming round, but I can tell shopping in the boy isle still feels a little ‘dirty’ in the same way she refused to borrow a friends T-Shirt because “its a boy t-shirt.” To be six and feel tainted by wearing a boy t-shirt to splash about in the yard is sad; and I only hope I can help her to become free-thinking and independent in the future.
But why is Lego City in the boy isle in Walmart? When I was young (yes I did actually just say that) all the lego was ‘Lego City’ and it was unisex in a non-intentional kind of a way. Why when you drive through McDonalds (not that I ever do that…ahem), do they ask you if your happy meal is for a girl or a boy? Why don’t they just ask if you want SpongeBob or Monster High? Or better still just give everyone SpongeBob? It boils my blood everytime! Grrr…
As for the boys… now they’ve spent the afternoon playing with girl toys I don’t hold out much hope for them. It’s high school musical and guy-liner from here on in.
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