You arrive home in the car and open the back door to find a baby (or two) fast asleep. If only you could do a tactical transplant to the crib? Here are the top ten ways to move a sleeping baby:
1. Slowly. Undo the straps, pause. Remove arms from straps, pause. Slide hands behind head, pause. It might take most of nap time to get him to bed but he’ll be none the wiser.
2. Quickly. Babies have the ability to wake randomly, scream and then instantly fall back to sleep. Use this to your advantage by frantically wrestling baby out of the car, chucking them into their crib and closing the door. You’ll likely stand outside holding your breath to see if he goes back to sleep but it might actually work.
3. The Yoga Transplant. This is my favored technique. It’s important to get ‘in-the-zone’ first with some deep breathing and a little shake out. You’re aiming for continuous smooth movement accompanied by rhythmic breathing. Feel the movement, go with the flow and be confident yet gentle.
4. The Lullaby. Remove your child in the usual manner but accompany the action with a lullaby. The success of this will likely depend on your singing skills and therefore I am currently running on a 0% win rate.
5. Don’t move them. I quite often do this if I realize they’re asleep while I’m still driving. Divert through Starbucks drive-through, turn up the radio ever so slightly and enjoy the view of the parking lot. Accompanied with a browse through Facebook and a some people watching you can have quite the afternoon.
6. The Hypnotist. Pull out your best Derren Brown impression and talk quietly to your baby. Start before you touch, telling him how ready he is for naptime – ooze mind-control. Talk repetitively and continuously until baby is in bed, using trigger words like sleepy-sleep, naptastic and shhh…
7. The Masseuse. Rub baby’s feet, hands and temples in an anti-clockwise motion. Follow this with gentle tickles down the legs and arms before carefully removing baby from the car and placing over your shoulder. Pat bottom repeatedly until you reach the crib. OK… I haven’t actually tried this but I have a good feeling about it.
8. The Rocker. More rock-a-by-baby than leather pants and mosh-pits, the Rocker requires rhythm. Undo and remove arms from straps, then pause. Start to rock/giggle the car seat in a rhythmic motion and hope baby doesn’t wake up. When you’re ready, scoop baby up while keeping up the same rock/giggle until you get him to bed.
9. Act like nothing happened. Just remove your baby from the seat like normal. They’ll probably wake up and expect an afternoon snack so whatever you do DON’T make eye contact. Confidently pretend you haven’t notice that they’re totally awake and just put them straight to bed anyway. If you believe it enough they might just join in.
10. The Defeatist. Just don’t even bother. The look of disappointment and desperation on your face just might be enough for a sympathy vote and baby might go back to sleep. It’s unlikely but there’s always hope.
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