poopcrastination
Source: today.com

Listen up kids… My daughter is six and she is an expert in avoiding chores, homework or basically anything she thinks is rubbish. Here’s her guide which I’ve aptly named Poopcrastination: A child’s guide to answering difficult questions.

1. When your parents ask you to tidy your room, just tell them you “need a really long poo.” Mom let’s me read books while I sit on the toilet so I can just wait until my legs go numb.

2. When Mom asks you why you haven’t brushed your teeth yet, say “I’m sorry Mom, I got really distracted talking to myself.” It’ll buy you another five minutes of pulling faces in the mirror before she actually gets angry.

3. If you’ve already started ‘tidying’, just put the toys in and back out of the box multiple times. It’ll look like you’re working hard even though you’re actually playing peekaboo with your My Little Pony Equestria Girls.

4. At the suggestion of pretty much anything you don’t want to do, just flop dramatically onto the floor, exhaling loudly and say “I’m too tired.”. This works anytime you want to use the word ‘bored’. Just replace with ‘tired’, it’s pretty much the same thing but goes down better with the Olds.

5. I knew my brothers would come on handy at some point… When you’re asked why you haven’t put your clothes on yet, just say “I was playing with my brothers, they needed cheering up.”. It’s very important being a big sister you know.

6. When you’re asked  why you lost a reward penny at school,  just say “I can’t remember”. If you can’t remember it didn’t happen, right? This response is also perfect for questions such as “How did you do in your math test?” and “Did you eat all your lunch?”.

7. When you go upstairs to get on with your duties, make sure to take the cat with you. You can silently play for some time before Mom realizes you haven’t even started yet. Kitty love is important too you know.

8. If Mom shouts upstairs “How’s the tidying going?”, be sure to reply with an over-enthusiastic “GREAT!”. You might buy an extra five minutes before she comes to check just how great it’s going.

So just in case you haven’t already mastered the art of procrastination, try some of these techniques to drag out any five minute job and turn it into an all day thing.

Enjoy your poopcrastination children πŸ™‚


18 Comments

  1. Oh she’s good. Little worried about the teenage years as she seems advance? Haha x fab giggle, thank you and good luck taming her creative
    Skills #ablogginggoodtime

    • TwinPickle Reply

      She is advanced with it, along with grumbling about getting out of bed in the morning! I’ve hoping for a reverse thing where as a teenager she jumps out of bed at 6am and is keen to tidy up and do homework ??

  2. ? my eldest definately utilises many of these excuses! I’m dreading the day she passes her poopcrastination expertise to her little sister!
    #EatSleepBlogRT

    • TwinPickle Reply

      Oh no, I hadn’t thought of that! Maybe it’ll start even earlier with her brothers… eek!

  3. HAHA! So funny – love it! Gotta admit too, I may have used a few of these on the wife myself (especially the poo one… #numblegs) #FridayFrolics

  4. Haha – cunning! Love these. As I am dealing with toddlers, I don’t get this level of sophistication – they just avoid things by simply not doing them & then crying!

    Thanks so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.

    • TwinPickle Reply

      Yes, she knows I don’t fall for that one anymore but still gives it a go. I’m sure it will work on granny πŸ˜‰

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